Benjamin James Lancaster
commercial break
the ads
between shows
are like awkward silences
but noisy
I think about kissing
her
about touching
her arm
about rubbing
her inner thigh
the show gave us focus
taking laughter cues
from each other and
the studio audience
my eyes tied safely
to the screen and not
the obscured curve
of her breasts beneath
her shirt
the show is over
an immaculate housewife
smiles at us
holding up coloured bottles against
an impossibly clean
kitchen
now is the time but
even turning to look at her
seems forward
so I move
very relaxed
my leg closer
to hers, hers
do not move
closer
or further
from mine
I rub the top of my knee
very casual
and wonder if she is looking
a ruggedly handsome dad
pushes a sleek mower
over perfectly trimmed grass
accomplishing nothing
he is smiling
at us
he is wondering
what the fuck I’m waiting for
a quick throat-clear
very natural
to signal
I am awake alert
ready
the angle of her
leg from the corner
of my eye makes my heart
beat so fast
I worry she can feel it
through the couch
I steel myself
to turn to her to
plant a hand
on her hips
a kiss
on her lips—
the next show starts
the immaculate housewife
the ruggedly handsome dad
are gone
they are fucking each other
in the kitchen on the front lawn
laughing
as we sit and stare in silence
at the television